Numb

 Working  out saved my mental health.

In summary in between my posts from 2016 to now I got married, had a baby , got a divorce.

I dealt with lots of hardships over the years , in summary:  depression, poverty , dealing with someone else’s drug and gambling problems , giving birth and going through motherhood alone , and uhh ya that’s enough negativity for this post...

I hated myself and I couldn’t see who I was anymore. It was the hardest years of my life and I think if I made it through that I can make it through anything because those hardships changed me .

Now if you ask me about it all or if I try to recall what happen it’s all a blur and it just feels numb .. that’s the word numb. I become numb to the hardships and the pain and the tears. I barely cry now ( once every few months). I used to cry every night 😔. 

Lonely

People often ask me your alone? You go alone? You hang out alone? Yes.. and sometimes I do feel this sense of isolation and loneliness but then I remind myself to be content with what Allah has put me through and I remind myself that I may not have company but if I am not in the company of haram then I am content. I also have hope in Allah to grant me the company that will remind me of Him one day.  ... Alī ibn Abī Ṭālib, “Souls resemble other souls, and those that resemble each other are in harmony, that’s why people are attracted towards those they resemble”

Being a stranger in this world , a ghareeb, that’s not a test that anyone can overcome. Being the one of very few in your circle who prays or one of very few women who still wear hijab or one of very few who are against dating or one of very few who do not smoke hookah.. those are the strangers who the Prophet said give glad tidings to them. Glad tidings refers to Jannah. 

What more do we want other then to be in the company of the Prophet in the highest levels of Jannah for the hardships we overcame as being strangers on this land? 

I always try to remind myself that Allah tests the strongest of us and He isolates the one He loves most from the people so that person can focus on the afterlife, because this world is nothing. 

Yes it would be great to have company in this world and someone to share my sorrow, hardships and difficulties of this world with but for now I need to accept that this is my decree and that this is what Allah wants me to go through. I really hope and pray that it comes with major rewards in the afterlife. It’s so hard to avoid the haram company and choose to be alone . 

I’m back !

 No wayyyy I have access to my blog again wooow!

Soooo I think I need this blog . It helped me so much when I used to write oh my where do I start LOl so much has changed in the last 5 years.

Come Back

I really hate how there are no educational or spiritual lectures offered at my local masjid...I tried to push for it but nothing happened. I miss high eman levels...only happens when you have that knowledge in my opinion .... my blog was mostly of notes and things I learned form the lectures I used to attend. Even the Dr.Islam lecture that came back is always cancelled , and its a far drive for me =( 

The Story of Jibreal Omar Suleiman

The Story of Jibreal

 Omar Suleiman

Jibreel- Mikeal- the end sound of el means sAllah

Jib comes from the arabic word which means straight
Jibra also means servant

Allah describes Jibreel as a strong angel

Prophet Muhammad held Jibreel in such a high regard that he refers to him as " the one who is with my Rabb"

Allah refers to Jibreel as "Al Roh " the spirit  Al Roh Al Quds "The Holy Spirit"
Spirit because Jibreel brings spiritual life , Jibreel brings the soul


The very first creature to be given  soul is Jibreel.

Jibreel is also named "Namous" which is opposite of "Jasous"

Namous is the one who conceals a beautiful secret, jasous is the one who carries a evil secret


Looks of Jibreel: he can appear as a human

During the journey of the Israa and Maraj  the Prophet described to us how some of the Prophets looked. He said that I never seen a man resemble me more then Prophet Ibrahim.

He said that Jibreal looked like a man named Dihya  who was a companion of the Prophet. He was one of the most handsome man of his tribe at the time, they described him as the Prophet Yusuf of their tribe.

Prophet used Diehya in a wise way, when they went out to Jerusalem Prophet sent Dihya , and when Dihya showed up in Jerusalem the entire city came out to see him for his good looks.

The Prophet said when Allah created the Jannah and Naar, Allah sent Jibreal to see Jannah, Allah told Jibreal to go see what He has prepared for his ibada.

Allah always speaks to Jibreal directly , Jibreal then can relay the message to other angels.

Any Prophet that came had conversation with Jibreal


Angel Jibreal in the life of Prophet Ibrahim in Surat Al Dhariyat

In these ayas, angel Jibreel with other angels went to visit Prophet Ibrahim to deliver the news that his wife Sara who is old is going to have a son who is going to be intelligent and knowledgeable of Allah. This news is a miracle from Allah. The aya starts with how when the angels were at the Prophets house , Prophet Ibrahim serves the best food to the angels, but the angels cannot eat or drink, him and his wife did not know of this.

24. Has the story reached you, of the honoured guests [three angels; Jibrael (Gabriel) along with another two] of Ibrahim (Abraham)?

25. When they came in to him, and said, "Salam, (peace be upon you)!" He answered; "Salam, (peace be upon you )," and said: "You are a people unknown to me,"

26. Then he turned to his household, so brought out a roasted calf [as the property of Ibrahim (Abraham) was mainly cows].

27. And placed it before them, (saying): "Will you not eat?"

28. Then he conceived a fear of them (when they ate not). They said: "Fear not." And they gave him glad tidings of an intelligent son, having knowledge (about Allah and His religion of True Monotheism).

29. Then his wife came forward with a loud voice, she smote her face, and said: "A barren old woman!"

30. They said: "Even so says your Lord. Verily, He is the All-Wise, the All-Knower."

When Prophet Ibrahim finished building the Kabah , He asked Allah how do we make the ritual of Hajj. Jibreel taught  Prophet Ibrhahim how to make the Hajj, and they made Hajj together.

Prophet Ibrahim is buried in Khalil Palestine.

Angel Jibreel in the Story of Prophet Yusuf: Surat Yusuf

In the story of Prophet Yusuf , when Yusufs brothers placed him the well , Jibreel was at the bottom of the well to catch and help the Prophet.


Angel Jibreel in the Story of Maryam : Surat Maryam

Maryam was a young women when she was notified about her son. Angel Jibreel is the one who appeared to her to tell her the news that she was already pregnant as he tells her "Kana Amar Maqdeyah" which means its already destined and she is already pregnant.

When she started to fell pain from the child birth she screamed how she rather die before this and be forgotten, again angel Jibreel appears to support her, and he tells her about the well.  At this moment she wanted to be forgotten but now she has a whole Surah named after her subhanAllah.

17. She placed a screen (to screen herself) from them; then We sent to her Our Ruh [angel Jibrael (Gabriel)], and he appeared before her in the form of a man in all respects.

18. She said: "Verily! I seek refuge with the Most Beneficent (Allah) from you, if you do fear Allah."

19. (The angel) said: "I am only a Messenger from your Lord, (to announce) to you the gift of a righteous son."

20. She said: "How can I have a son, when no man has touched me, nor am I unchaste?"

21. He said: "So (it will be), your Lord said: 'That is easy for Me (Allah): And (We wish) to appoint him as a sign to mankind and a mercy from Us (Allah), and it is a matter (already) decreed, (by Allah).' "

22. So she conceived him, and she withdrew with him to a far place (i.e. Bethlehem valley about 4-6 miles from Jerusalem).

23. And the pains of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a date-palm. She said: "Would that I had died before this, and had been forgotten and out of sight!"

24. Then [the babe 'Iesa (Jesus) or Jibrael (Gabriel)] cried unto her from below her, saying: "Grieve not! Your Lord has provided a water stream under you;

 Jibreel helped the mother of Ismail for the well to gush water between the Safa and Marwa. He said if she didn't crave the well a certain way it would have gushed all over the world.  Think about this as the ZamZam well is still pumping water until this day.  Its a miracle , it pumps up to 60091 million liters a day of water. It is a miracle  that Jibreel helped in.

Tafsir Surat Al Nasr

Tafsir Surat Al Nasr: The Divne Support, Victory
http://quran.com/110

Every Friday after isha prayer (8:30PM) Sheikh Moussa teaches us the tafsir of the Quran in English.

Last week we took Part 1 of Surat Al Nasr.

When you intial read the Surahs name  you think victory as in winning but the tafsir the Sheikh taught  us gives you a whole other meaning and definition to this term.

An-Nasr :The Divine Support

When the victory of Allah has come and the conquest,

And you see the people entering into the religion of Allah in multitudes,

Then exalt [Him] with praise of your Lord and ask forgiveness of Him. Indeed, He is ever Accepting of repentance.

The Sheikh said,

Surat Al Nasr is the last Surah to have been revealed to the Prophet Muhmmad. It was revealed about 80 days prior to the Prophets death and after her performed  Hajj Al Wadaah - The Farewell Pilgiramge. This Surah is called Al Nasr because Allah is telling the Prophet in this Surah that he was victorous as he completed his honarable role of relaying the message of Islam, the messgae that there is No God but Allah and Muhmmad is His Final Messenger. The Prophet was successful in spreading the message and people have accepted the message. Allah is giving the Prophet glad tidings. Allah also reveals to the Prophet that he only has a few days to live.

Allah ends the Surah telling the Prophet to make tasbeh (Thanking and Praising Him) and istghfar (ask for forgivness).


The sheikh also mentioned how our goal of dawah should not be to make people become Muslim but rather relay the most clearest message we can of what Islam is and the acceptance of truth is upon gudiance from Allah.

So now when you read Surat Al Nasr understand it from this point


 

Prophets Pre Ramadan Sermon

This is beautiful...first time I ever read this

waiting for you oh Ramadan!!

The Sermon Given By The Prophet (s) On The Last Friday Of Sha'ban On The Reception Of The Month of Ramadan.

"O People ! Indeed ahead of you is the blessed month of Allah. A month of blessing, mercy and forgiveness. A month which with Allah is the best of months.  Its days, the best of days, its nights, the best of nights, and its hours, the best of hours. It is the month which invites you to be the guests of Allah and invites you to be one of those near to Him. Each breath you take glorifies him; your sleep is worship, your deeds are accepted and your supplications are answered. So, ask Allah, your Lord; to give you a sound body and an enlightened heart so you may be able to fast and recite his book, for only he is unhappy who is devoid of Allah's forgiveness during this great month. Remember the hunger and thirst of the day of Qiyamah (Judgment) with your hunger and thirst; give alms to the needy and poor, honor your old, show kindness to the young ones, maintain relations with your blood relations; guard your tongues, close your eyes to that which is not permissible for your sight, close your ears to that which is forbidden to hear, show compassion to the orphans of people so compassion
may be shown to your orphans. Repent to Allah for your sins and raise your hands in dua during these times, for they are the best of times and Allah looks towards his creatures with kindness, replying to them during the hours and granting their needs if he is asked ...

The Masjid of Allah

As I'm standing outside of the entrance of the Masjid (NHIEC) I noticed this aya that is posted in the front entrance , it's the aya from Surat Al Tawbah "The mosques of Allah are only to be maintained by those who believe in Allah and the Last Day and establish prayer and give zakah and do not fear except Allah , for it is expected that those will be of the rightly guided."

I  started to think about how Allah loves every person I see constantly at the masjid, how blessed these worshippers are to have love for His Masjid to be instilled in their hearts. I started to think about how the people who fill Allahs Masjid are not perfect but despite thier mistakes, sins, and imperfections they can still join the Masjid. Even those who maintain it who are not perfect and despite their sins and human nature to be of "insan" the one who forgets can still try their best in serving thier community for the Sake of  Allah.I started to think about the people who may not be the ones maintaining the masjid but are truly attached to the Masjid as you noticed them ready to make a Jamaaa prayer as often as they can in the Masjid , always sitting there ready to worship Him with other worshippers.

Despite the challenges we may face when going to visit this Masjid, or the challenges we face when maintaing the Masjids, or the annoying kids we end up yelling at , or the person we may get mad at, or the bad bathroom smells once in a while, or the heat of Ramadan summer nights, despite all of that people come back to fill the Masjids of Allah because above all their love for Him prevails and the attachment is not for the building , the community or the programs but for Him alone inshAllah...because truly, " In the rememberance of Allah do the hearts find rest". Even if you found peace 10 percent of your time spent at the Masjid, if your hearts intention is to please Him you will come back for more peace , and you will find a attachment as the one described for those who will be shaded on the Day of Judgment "The one who's heart is attached to the Masjid"


This aya comes from Surat Al Tawabah it makes the concept of posting it within the entrance of a Masjid even more appealing because Tawabah as we know means to return to something, so maybe one day you did leave the Masjid, you did forget of Allah but He is Al Tawab and His Masjids doors are always open. The Masjid, the place that brings peace to your heart when you are focused on remembering Him, your refugee from the dunya , your center for a community of brotherhood and sisterhood that is based on love for His Sake, this is the place Allah invites the believers

As I write this I am listening to one of Sheikh Hassan Salehs spoken word videos and sbhnaAllah he is talking about the masjid. here's a idea of what he said ( if someone can send a better meaning that would help , sounds better in arabic ) starting at about 13 minutes

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xKyJx8s9CAM

"The House of Allah makes those who visit it happy , the hearts of the belivers are cured with the rememberance of Allah, the Sajdeen (the ones who make sujood) make sujood on its rugs , and in it you don't see except brotherhood, you don't find poor or wealth making them different, they are all brothers white and black in front of Allah they are all given glad tidings (bushra ) , and with taqwa and ikhlas..And oh who you who hears a call from Allah, and the voice of a muthain, asking if you want to be with the abrarar of Jannah which will make those who find it happy. and oh you who hears the call from Allah...." 

Serving Self or Community? Amu Fikry

Tonight we had Amu Fikry Fahymy speak the Young Adults lecture about faith eman.

During the Q and A session two important questions or topics were asked regarding volunteering for the Sake of Allah, finding a balance, the reward, self vs community needs and feeling overwhelmed.

When the recording is posted ill email it because I didn't take notes so this is not his exact wording but his advice is important for all those who work endless hours for His Sake to hear !

Here is an idea of what he and the crowd said:

Sometimes when you are volunteering for His Sake in the community you don't get to enjoy the lecture or event yourself, you may feel like you are missing out on the reward or knowledge that is taught.

Is it better to focus on your own Ibdah or the community? Which is rewarded more? For an example in Ramadan the volunteers are so busy taking caring of the worshippers, the masjid, mainitang peace and order they may not get the full benefit or reward

His answer 

You have to give everything equal rights, your body has a right over you, your family, your self etc

As for the reward it is better to provide to your community 

Because when you are just focused on your own Ibadah, you just attend a lecture for your own self that's only one person benefiting vs when you are the one organizing or coordinating a lecture or event for 50 plus people all 50 who came and learned you will get the reward, you are helping and benefiting a ummah not just your self

Another question was asked about feeling overwhelmed with the amount of volunteering that needs to be done for the community

He advised that we take the asbab the means, so put in the efforts and see how easy Allah will make the tasks with His Baraka, how He will give you more time with baraka

He also recommend to distribute tasks and follow up every two weeks, build new leaders

After this lecture I came across the following ayas which truly is a Sign of how true His words are about the Jamaaa ( community) vs self... Look how Allah uses the word together and He follows these ayas with an amazing descpriton of those whose face will shine on the Day of Judgement 

 

 

And hold firmly to the rope of Allah all together and do not become divided. And remember the favor of Allah upon you - when you were enemies and He brought your hearts together and you became, by His favor, brothers. And you were on the edge of a pit of the Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus does Allah make clear to you His verses that you may be guided.

 

 

And let there be [arising] from you a nation inviting to [all that is] good, enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong, and those will be the successful.

 

But as for those whose faces will turn white, [they will be] within the mercy of Allah . They will abide therein eternally

 

 

Sent from my iPad

Remembrance of Allah & Quran Imam Omar Suleiman Tazkiyah Notes

The Prophet said, The most beloved places to Allah on the earth is the Masjids, because in the Masjid Allah is remembered. The most hated place on the earth is the marketplace

The Prophet said,
Whoever says while entering the marketplace (duaa) (whoever says it upon enterting marketplace Allah will add for him 1million hasant, and 1million sins wiped away, and Allah will raise him 1million degrees in paradise, and built a house in paradise

la ialiah il Allah wahdhoo la sharka laa , laha Al mulk wal ahumd yahyo wa ya met wa huwa haya wal yamt

Usually we make this dua without those final words , they are only mentioned in the marketplace
You will prob forget the duaa because in the marketplace you will usually get distracted

Note that the Prophet said when you are in the marketplace, not before you go into the marketplace

when you walk into the marketplace you realize the source of life is Allah swt and so even if a person is walking in the marketplace, acquiring more dunya they are forgotten


Ascholar said everything in this dunya is cursed except the remembrance of Allah, or a scholar, or a student..Dhikrh, and ilm everything else in this world is cursed


Friday Saturday night some are at the club trying to find life, trying to find that adrien rush, drinking drugs looking for life and then there are some at the masjid Friday and Saturday night finding that life subhanAllah


Prophet said, in the gatherings for the sake of Allah, the angels are there, Allah mentions them, and and there is sakina subhanAllah


Ibn Masud said, The house in which the Quran is not recited will be constricting , upon the habitants of the house even if its a very large house
The house in which the Quran is recited it will feel large even if its a small house

The house feels empty without Quran

The Quran is the greatest reminder 

The remembrance of His Names His Attributes

Placing your heart in a place where Allah is remembered it helps you remember Allah, it will help it find sakina, and help the heart settle so when your heart is in environments where Allah is not remembered or mentioned it will be stable

Remembrance of Allah drives away shytan it breaks him, it dispels worry brings you a sense of joy

Al wasas- whispering
al khans means sinks disappears

Hassan Al Basri: when the servant becomes heedless he gives shytan a chance to whisper to him but hen he remembers Allah the shytan disappears

mercy and honor that remembering Allah brings
He will mention your name, He will make them angels know you

I complain of the hardness of my heart, responded remember Allah to soften

Talking about people is the disease and talking about Allah is the cure of that disease

Whenever the Quran mentions Dhikr- the word Kathir is often mentioned meaning a lot

The remembrance of His Names and His Attributes

Remember Allah talk about the Blessings He provided you with
The best type of remembrance is the recitation of the Quran

Al Dhikhr:
1. Clear mention of Allah . duaa, tasbeh
2. Knowledge
3. Quran
4. Prayer


There are "the people of Allah" the people of Quran

Imam Hassan Al Basri
Someone said to him so and so memorizes the  Quran
he said: so and so doesn't protect the Quran, the Quran protects him

Hafid means protect
"ahfad Allah ya hafdukum" this is the faida direct result of remembering Allah

The Quran is the greatest form of remembrance