Oh Your Over 20 And You Are Not Married??

 

 

Although I am young (21), in my community I am at that "age" where you are supposed to get engaged, married, or already have kids (yes people my age already have kids). This concept can be both a "Arab cultural" thing or "Muslim" thing, because  in both cultures, marriage at a young age is highly valued. (Always remember that there is a huge difference between the Arab
 and Muslim culture).

 

I agree, marriage at a young age should be highly valued as it keeps you away from haram (dating), but at the same time the  people in the community need to be careful with making single people feel unvalued or making them feel like they are a shame.

 

This is not a very friendly post lol and it is more based on my own opinions, so if you disagree its okay. It is meant for single people. If you are married and you are reading this don't forget that you were once in this very same position where people used to bother you for being single....or maybe not

 

This is to all the single people who feel like they are unvalued in their community:

#1 thing to keep in mind: it is not in your qadr to choose when to get married and if you are chaste and you are on your deen, don't ever feel unvalued because your patience is what makes you valuable. Don't Be Sad (this is the title of my favorite book) and don't feel bad!!

 

It seems like despite all the accomplishments you have accomplished (college, manners, respect, prays, fasts, etc)  if you are not married you are missing out on a big accomplishment in the Arab and Muslim lifestyle.

 

One of the ultimate goals of this dunya is to get married, which is an awesome goal for one to have as marriage is half your deen, but it is not awesome when you are looked down upon for not "achieving" this goal.........as if the qadr is in your control to get married!!

 

And then when you show any type of interest in marriage you are described as "desperate".

I am probably "desperate" for writing this post, but  guess what:

"As long as I am not doing haram and I am pleasing Allah I don't care what anyone thinks of me!"

 

Oh and if you are always at the Mosque helping or fundraisers or any type of volunteering the assumption is that you are probably trying to find someone and that looks bad but then again if you think about it...its usually the single people who are at the Mosque and volunteering all the time, and once they get married they literally disappear and you are just wondering where did he go?? Then you get the golden explanation "Oh that person got married!!!"

I actually think this is funny and a very sad and I hope this standard will change...instead of stopping everything because you got married, get your husband to come with you to volunteer or go to all those lectures, don't just stop out of no where!

Oh and let me tell you about that golden question, married people usually ask you, instead of helping you find someone :

 "OHHH when are you going to get married, yallah"  but then again be careful not to show to much interest because if you show any type of interest, you are looked at upon as desperate.

 

And there are those people who "recommend" someone but they never follow up....like why would you get me excited for. Oh and if I follow up I will seem  desperate, hahaaaaa

 

And then your community that is supposed to help "facilitate" marriage as Dr. Islam Elfahymoui told us, but they are not doing anything.
 

And then you hear about how men want a religious girl but they get married to the girl with tons of make up and tight clothes so your just like oh okay I thought it wasn't all about "looks" and you wonder why the sisters take off their scarfs in weddings.

 

Okay.....enough of this lol, but on a good note, let us change this culture of making single people feel unvalued.  Instead of making single people feel bad help facilitate marriage in your community.