So right when I was about to write this post alongside my home work, the ayas that were discussed in the lecture about marriage were being recited on my favorite site, radioquraan.com (visit if you still have not!!) The ayas are ones you are probably familiar with from Surat Al Nur
So todays lecture was about a Muslims "favorite" topic,
"How to get married"
Favorite quote:
"Look at the man you are interested in with a critical but not lustful eye"
Dr. Islam ElFahymoui
At the end of the lecture, you are hoping you learn how to get married...
but you dont get that answer...
Heres what you get from this lecture
(which will become the topic for the upcoming Islam El Fahymoui Sunday lecture).
Islam El Fahymoui said:
When you get married you can quell those desires which lead to the diseases of the heart we spoke about for the past couple of months.
If you want to give up this dunya (your heart) you will not complete this until you get married.
When you calm down and you are not concerned with getting married you can attain a higher level of eman and put more focus towards your eman.
The companions didnt see marriage only as a protection from sin but they saw it as a virtue.
Problems of this community
1. Young adults are to hasty in seeking marriage
In Islam there is a concept called "Rushud". Rushud means maturity, ability to think and act responsibly, responsibility, and knowing the consequences of your decision.
It is not the same as puberty, and with rushud there is no universal age. You cant say all youth reach rushud at this age..no. It is not upto the Islamic scholars to decide when is rushud but rather that society.
Ibn Alqayim: Whatever the benefit is to the people of the time that is the shariah (law, life style)
Everyone knows about the hadith:
Prophet: “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his desires.
When the Prophet said this he means when you achive "Rushud" get married.
The Prophet tells you if you cant get married, than try fasting.
Did you try fasting?
WalyastaAAfifi
But let them who find not [the means for] marriage abstain [from sexual relations] until Allah enriches them from His bounty.
Holy Quran 24:33 Surat Al Noor
When you fast you are depriving your body of energy.
If you fast and guard your eyes you will have patience inshAllah.
There should be no social intermingling for no reasons.
Always ask yourself is there a reason for me to talk to him?
Avoid speaking to him if you can.
Interacting for knowledge and business or even advice is okay as long as there is no problem.
If you work with a man avoid engaging them emotionally. Avoid khulwa (being alone with him because no matter who you are the shytan is always the 3rd present). Do not joke with each other.
Look at the man you are interested in with a critical but not lustful eye. It is important for you to like how he looks, his looks must be pleasing to you.
2. Lack of Facilitation
The elders have to facilitate marriage in the community.
The aya about marriage says walnikahan
This implies that other people are helping you get married.
Suzy Ismail
(This is a point I brought up this issue of tawkal in action in one of my posts! Remember?)
I wrote Islam a question based on this post and inshAllah he will address it in next weeks lecture.
There is a difference between tawkal and tawkul.
You cant just sit down and not do anything and have trust in Allah. Like the person who thinks oh I will make duaa and Allah will send me a husband.
Just like Mariam who had to shake the tree, we have to do our part. Or just like the hadith about where the Prophet addressed the man to tie his camel and than make tawkul (trust in Allah).
Take the steps and than have trust in Allah.
What steps are you taking for marriage?
Adam and Huwa was the first relationship on earth and it was a marriage.
And than she spoke on about her center which facilities an environment for marriage. They want to do something similar at ICPC.
Than there was Q and A I didnt take notes, but one answer really stood out to me:
A sister asked:
"What do you think of sisters beautifying themselves so they can attract a man for marriage?
Suzy answered, but than Dr.Islam asked if he can answer from a mans perspective. What a beautiful answer he said,
"Sisters without anything you are already beautiful. Your beauty shines through your modesty. To a man you are already beautiful just because of your presences (and than he looks to the men side and he says im sure they know what I mean).
Sometimes Islam Elfahymoui takes you into the minds of men its so cool lol , I need to write down these things!
As you can see as I mentioned in the beginning, you do not get an exact "formula" on how to get married from this lecture, but inshAllah they are working towards achieving some solution, that is what thier conclusion was headed towards.
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