Minor Car Accdient, Calamity, Allahs Lessons Tests and Blessings

I leave the mosque in anger, and I try to remind myself of the Prophets advice, "La taghdb" dont be angry, but this time I allowed shyatn-devil to win. I left the girl at the masjid, and I decided I wouldn't take her home because I was mad.

As I speed out of the parking lot in anger I have a bad guilt feeling, my heart tells me go back, dont leave her but shytan-devil tells me go home alone. In a matter of less than a block, I find myself on the curb. I have just made a very minor car accident . At that moment I realize I was wrong for leaving this girl.

At that moment I am still angry, but I realize I cannot go home alone. Allah is telling me go back, and that YOU are not in control. He is showing me his power over me. At that moment I realize I had no control of avoiding that minor accident, I had no control of choosing my road. It is only Allah who has control, but not just at that moment, but rather this whole time, He has always been in control. Only Him, not me.

I find myself making a U-Turn to get back to my friend who is still waiting for me. I realize this whole experience is all a calamity. I got mad and I acted rude, and I ended up on the curb. Allah is teaching me a lesson, and I realize its okay, because Allah says,

See they not that they are tried once or twice every year
(with different kinds of calamities, disease, famine, etc.)? Yet, they turn not in repentance, nor do they learn a lesson (from it). -9:126

I remember the conversation I had earlier today with my friend about how Allah only tests the believers with calamities, and that if you are not getting calamities than that is a problem.

I remember what Eslam Faymoui saying:

"You can interpert everything in your life. You got into a car accident? Look back into your day, who did you displease or disobey?

I remember the lesson he has been trying to teach me this whole time, I remember his emphasis on the word, yaqyn- certainty. And I realize I am very far from this state, and I have alot to work on. If I had yaqyn, I would have no fears after my calamity. I wouldn't think of "the scares" I might have created, and the fear of passing by that curb again.

I realize yaqyn is the only way to get out of a calamity in peace.

"If you truly believe that Allah is in control of everything you will never be depressed"-E.Fahymoui

If I have yaqn Allah will give me the following 5 (According to E.Fahymoui)

1. Patience 2. Takwal 3. Shukr 4.Khusho

If i have yaqn I will believe that no matter what turn I took, or what time I left, I wasnt going to be able to avoid that accident because,

No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but is inscribed in the Book of Decrees (Al-Lauh Al-Mahfuz), before We bring it into existence. Verily, that is easy for Allah. -57:22

SubhnAllah, today during E.Fahymouis lecture I was thinking about a blessing I was going to write about. I never thought I would write about a calamity.

Now that I have given you the story of  the calamity, I want to give you the blessing I have experienced today. Actually the calmity, is a blessing! But heres what I wanted to talk about today, about khusho.

For the past week or so my salats level of khusho has been really bad, you know that feeling as if  you are praying without your heart? I have been making duaa to Allah to give me khusho because I once read if you want khusho then ask Allah! Humdallah I got my answer through Eslams lecture today. His topic of focus was khusho. All I can think is alhumdallah, Allah is answering my duaa. What did I learn? That without certainty- yaqyn, I will never be able to truly achieve khusho. So it is not exctally khusho I have to work on but rather it is yaqn. Whats his advice? Learn Allahs 99 names. And that now I have to always ask Allah for two things, khusho and yaqyn, inshllah.

I know this post was long but I think I learned alot of lessons from this calamity. I want to end with the following aya,

Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: "Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return."-2:156